in which a new project is annonuced



By looking at my commit logs it will be clear that I haven't really done much with Bus Scheme recently. I was having a lot of fun with the project early on, but as of late my enthusiasm has abated. I could chalk it up to the fact that Scheme is such a simple language that I'm running out of things to do. But I think the real problem is that it's too easy. Where's the glory to be had in a Scheme interpreter? The entire spec only runs about fifty pages, and it's been done before! The urge for a challenge is sadly left unmet. Plus as is common knowledge, nobody actually uses Scheme in the real world. [*] It just wasn't working out for me in spite of myself.

With that in mind I am determined I shouldn't have these problem on my next project. I'd like to announce the launch of Unicycle Java:

Unicycle Java is an implementation of the Java Programming Language™, but implemented while riding a unicycle. Note that at all the implementation of Unicycle Java must be written while riding a unicycle. Documentation, tests, and administrivia may be accomplished elsewhere, but all actual implementation code is strictly unicycle-driven. Unicycle Java is an Enterprise-grade[**] piece of software, suitable for highly scalable, performant, demanding deployments.

There isn't any code that's ready to be made public yet, but we will be sure to post progress on here as it approaches a usable state. The first task will be to procure a unicycle, so please send a message if you have any leads in this direction.


How will you write code while riding a unicycle?
We haven't figured out all the details of how this will work, but we are looking into getting a kind of laptop-harness. Luckily unlike bicycles, unicycles do not require use of the hands, so typing is actually somewhat feasible.
What about type safety?
Always wear a helmet.
Will Unicycle Java have closures?
Of course! Unicycle Java is a powerful modern programming language, not a toy like BASIC.
Is Unicycle Java going to make stability a priority?
Since unicycles are by nature not very stable, it would be virtually impossible to do this. We believe this is simply one of the costs of unicycle-driven development. However, Unicycle Java comes with a remarkable new technology called JavaLids that will keep things safe in the event of a systems crash.
Will it be possible to run Unicycle Java in the same environments as Bus Scheme?
Do not by any means attempt to try this. Riding a unicycle in the bus lane is foolhardy and dangerous.

Unicycle Java is an important part of a balanced breakfast.

[*] - It's been theorized that all the parentheses get clogged in the Tubes due to their elongated nature. XML's angle brackets are acceptable as long as they get oriented pointy-end first before transmission, but since parentheses are round and slippery this is much more difficult.

[**] - Not really. Get over yourself.

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